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a dead letter pure

[ website | a patch of midnight ]
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more than just a keychain [19 Oct 2008|02:29am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

i'm going on permanent disability (SSI).

i NEVER EVER thought that i would be doing this, but things get more intense as i get older... especially with more than one stressor at a time. it's as though i'm unable to handle responsibilities required to exist... and i dont know how people are able to pull off these basic living "skills". this goes back to 1987 and i've never been able to change this via any avenue.

i may be able to get benefits going all the way back to childhood, which would be... interesting. i MORE THAN check out for SSI with flying colors. GEE-ZUSSSSSS. crazy. literally. on file.

it's very weird and i'm finding it difficult to move toward self reconciliation. i'll be getting a "sorry 'bout your mental anguish" handout each month. it almost feels as though i'm selling a piece of my soul. REALLY TRULY succomming to the idea. there is no excitement or delight here, only disorientation and thoughts of acclimatization.

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livejournal [16 Jun 2008|02:26am]
i went to my friends page and there are way too many fucking words. no wonder i never read anything people write. jesus... SHORTEN YOUR PARAGRAPHS! block after block after block after block after block about shit that i couldnt possibly see as truly interesting.

not that, ya know, it isnt live-JOURNAL... but it doesnt have to be "read a ton get bored and dont give a shit"-journal... except when i try to read pretty much anyone's livejournal. they are boring. sorry. observation. continue.
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JBlue 2-8-6 [16 Jun 2008|02:03am]
THIS is what would be the most helpful. info in my email as soon as humanly possible would be more helpful. this is a specific general public statement. NOT AIMED AND NOT DEFINING BUT THE MASSES ARE NOT STUPID.



IT'S ^WEDNESDAY^ OR BUST.


PLEASE READ WHAT I AM WRITING.


PLEASE THINK.


PLEASE UNDERSTAND.


PLEASE DO.


PLEASE KNOW TIME AND MIND TIME.


THIS IS DIRECTLY VAGUELY DIRECT.


PLEASE.
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hahaha, PUKING!! [11 May 2008|01:23am]
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video post? weird. [09 May 2008|01:25am]
[ mood | embarrassed ]



aaaaaaand the reaction...



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haircut time [07 May 2008|05:58pm]
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i hate. [10 Mar 2008|01:51am]
the internet has become this weird social tool for every retard to partake. i dont think i care about it anymore. it's useful for information and contacting the few people who i actually contact, but otherwise annoying. i gave up on instant messaging clients a while ago (it just naturally happened), and it recently hit me that i could live without some other things i do with this internet contraption.

i've been growing less and less patient/accepting of the retardation that i witness on a consistent daily basis. most people annoy the shit out of me. most people go on and on about useless bullshit, and i judge anyone who takes genuine interest in such vapid and indicative sentiments. none of it is interesting except for the fact that it helps in defining a person.

most people regurgitate filler. bullshit and filler. sure, at times i can play along just because it's easier than going against the grain, but that just means that i think so little of a person that i don't waste my energy. as i limit the frequency of those situations (which is nice), i find myself more willing to challenge those ideas when i hear them. of course, since i've isolated myself (which i've done from the time i was 5), i've found that i tend to ignore EVERYONE for extended and increasing lengths of time. i've been removed from friends lists, i think, of people who actually interested me. genuine people (people who probably question whether this is even about them, and who probably wont end up reading this since i've been so MIA).

as much as that part of it sucks, i think it's only been a matter of time before renouncing the social aspect of the internet altogether (with email as the only exception, and i may phase that out eventually). seeing the social parts of the internet only amplifies all of those things that i cannot stand in society... those things that that i've tried to weed out of my life through selective social interaction. retarded 12-20 year olds and etc are out in full force, spreading their truncated text like some kind of plague. this is becoming "the norm". it sickens me. what's more, i've found that even most people in my age range only support what i'm against. they'd like to think that they dont, but very large numbers of them do. society is a continual disappointment, and the internet magnifies that now.

it's all petty petty shit, money grubbing fake people, image as the great priority (as much as people feign intent), lies for acceptance (or worse, out of true belief)... filler and bullshit. i'm just not interested, and this is my public social-internet notice.
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i love finds like this [11 Dec 2007|11:44pm]


i got the glasses in the $1.50 bin at the salvation army. they fit me perfectly/comfortably and they're nearly my prescription. they're closer to my prescription than the first pair of glasses i had.
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my hair is getting long [09 Dec 2007|01:49am]


i haven't cut it in a long time. i also washed it today for the first time in like 4 days. i took this picture when i was looking at the rain out back tonight. i dont have much to say these days. at least, not typed out on a computer. especially publically. fuck that s-h-.

oh, i'd like to note that i don't groom my eyebrows. i like them, and i refuse to groom them even slightly. they've been completely untouched since i shaved them off out of curiosity when i was 8.
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the prettiest ring of all time [26 Oct 2007|08:29pm]


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oh, piss [15 Oct 2007|12:16pm]
i wont say how or why i know, but my bladder is able to expel almost 20 ounces of pee when filled to what seems like full capacity. i just looked it up, and the average i've read as far as capacity goes is 16 ounces. according to the encylopedia britannica, the ultimate capacity can be up to about 26 ounces (the highest number i could find). i'm guessing that number applies to bigger people... people who arent me.

i'm a piss holder. i hold it until it goes away because i forget about it... even if i do it from the point where i'm nearly peeing my pants. i used to do that almost daily in elementary school. some days i remember it being almost like a personal challenge. weird.
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i work a fulltime gig [09 Oct 2007|11:41am]
i wore a tie to work yesterdayCollapse )
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it's like this. a lot. [28 Sep 2007|12:34am]
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hell yeah [01 Sep 2007|10:36pm]
i'm posting this from my wii. holla!

this looks stunning on a giant widescreen. stunningly horrible. youtube looks surprisingly good, though.
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oh, mind... what am i gonna do with you...? [31 Aug 2007|11:43pm]
i'm beginning to realize how obsessed i am with attempting to understand things. (note: when i say "things", i mean anything; everything; random things; ... things.) i attempt it, but it seems to be a just series of attempts. it seems that there's very little i'm able to actually find out in order to understand certain things. the degree that i'm able to understand in certain situations is NOWHERE CLOSE to the degree that i feel is acceptable. and yet... there doesn't seem to be anything that i can do about that, except for changing my idea of what is acceptable. i really dont see that happening.

this is just me trying to understand what the fuck. wait a second, is this IRONY? jeezum croix...
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my cellphone takes pictures just fine [31 Aug 2007|10:45pm]
pictures and wordsCollapse )
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smokin' n whittlin' [29 Aug 2007|11:48am]
i took a picture of myself in the kitchen this morning and i havent been losing weight as far as i can tell, but i think i must be getting thinner...Collapse )

and now i'm going to the bank.
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hurry, hurry, move a little faster- faster- [27 Aug 2007|11:19pm]
dear 55 north,

please open up to more than one lane... because i miss my dear sweet man terribly and i'm growing impatient. oh, and it's FUCKING 11:19PM!

with resentment,
christa of tustin
1 comment|post comment

FIE-YAHHH!! [23 Aug 2007|08:08pm]

on the 22 east fwy heading home today at 5:24pm
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oh shitstains [20 Aug 2007|12:15am]
tonight shawn and i sat down to watch a movie with a box of milk duds. what with the crazy new pup, some of them ended up spilling out of the box as we sat on the couch. after a bit of searching (and some admitted eating) we couldnt find any more milk duds so we continued to watch our movie. after a while i had to hop up for something (probably milk), but found resistance beneath my ass when i tried to do so. it felt almost like a little kid trying to hold onto your skirt as you pull away. there are now two caramel poo splotches mashed into my charcoal stretch lace skirt. success!!!!

stupid delicious candies. oh well... at least it's too hot to wear my docs right now (they're my footwear of choice in that skirt).
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